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It's most astonishing!
September 3, 2001



STUDIES SHOW LEFT-BRAIN BENEFIT FROM TULEVISION VIEWING
By a Daily Astonisher Staff Reporter

   "Most online activity occurs in the left hemisphere of the brain, the so-called "analytical processor."

   That statement, accompanied by many other statements too numerous to mention here, summed up the scientific findings presented at the Annual Labor Day Meeting of the Minds Conference of Brain Studies (ALDMMCBS), held Monday in Bakersfield, California.

Brainy
Tulevision Artist's Rendering of Conference Findings

   Experts at the conference seemed to agree that typical meaningful online experiences should be augmented by occasional forays into internet activities which can only be described as right-brained (or to use a colloquial expression: nonsense).

   "Yes... it is possible that viewing a website like this 'Tulevision' could aid viewers' neural hemispheric integration under certain circumstances," opined Dr. Felix Factix, a professor of Clinically Insane Neurological Behavior at the University of California Tuleburg (UCT), in an exclusive post-conference interview. "That is, if it truly contains the progressive artistic concepts and ideas you've claimed. I am still, however, a little unclear about this 'post-contemporary' thing." 

   Though Dr. Factix fell short of prescribing Tulevision for depression, he did state it probably wouldn't hurt anyone any more than any other "frivolous diversion."

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