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Our Founder

It's most astonishing!
June 25, 2001


 

WEBSITE ROCKED BY SNAIL SEX SCANDAL!
INTERNET ROCK STARS IN POVERTY?


SANDY SNAIL WAS A HERMAPHRODITE!
By Another Daily Astonisher Staff Reporter

   "It's true," confirmed the Tulevision Editor. "The late Sandy Snail was, indeed, a hermaphrodite. But we shouldn't be so fast to judge him/her, because, apparently, all snails normally have both the male and female organs necessary for the regeneration of their species."

Sandy

     Sandy Snail was the single parent of 36. He/She was cruelly struck down last week by a gas guzzling SUV at a Beverly Hills intersection - effectively ending what might have been a promising career in documentary films.

    A Tulevision spokesperson who requested anonymity admitted that this information came to light after a website employee illicitly read a personal journal found in the late actor's dressing room in the Tulevision Film Studio.

   Funeral services are planned for November 2001 to accommodate Sandy's friends and family who must travel across town.

   In lieu of flowers it has been requested that donations be sent to the National Anthropomorphic Society through the Tulevision website.

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PROTESTERS MAR GALLERY OPENING
By a Daily Astonisher Staff Reporter

   A plethora of protesters gathered outside the Post-Contemporary Illustrated Essay Gallery at the Tulevision website compound last Friday.

    A new illustrated essay, "School Shootings as High Art?" written by the internationally celebrated post-contemporary artist/essayist Ceaser Pink has drawn angry protesters from across the country to the doors of the Tulevision Illustrated Essay Gallery.

   Carrying signs reading "Discussing Art Sucks" and "Stop Free Speech" the protesters have been quite vocal and aggressive. One protester admitted upon questioning that he hadn't read the essay yet and doubted that any of his cohorts had either. "It's just too damn long. Anyway - we just don't like the title."

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The Grrrrls RODENT ROCKERS RELEASE HIT SONG
By a Daily Astonisher Staff Reporter

   In a race against utter starvation, the MouseGrrrlls, the international internet recording stars, have released their new hit:

~~~ Spread by Word of Mouse MP3  ~~~


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THE DAILY ASTONISHER IS RATED:
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