Eye on Hollywood
The Home Office
"Show Case" Edition
Tulevision viewers have had the opportunity to enjoy the antics,
arrests and general bad behavior of Poley the Clown.
Tulevision viewers have voted to banish him
from the Tulevision website.
Below, Tulevision pays tribute to the fallen clown with a trip
down memory lane via Poley the Clown's Internet Press Clippings:
CLOWN CLAIMS ILLNESS
a Tulevision Times Staff Book Reviewer
The opening line of Poley the Clown's latest autobiography,
Society's Crying Shame is: "I've been stricken
and it's not funny."
This sentence would also serve
as a accurate review of this so-called "bookumentary," the
third in a series of the clown's autobiographies.
POLEY'S FIRST ARREST (2/20/00)
a Staff Reporter
A sobbing Poley the Clown
was escorted by police from a
luncheon being held Friday in the Tulevision staff lounge
to celebrate Alger
Tule's 101st birthday party.
Tulevision employees tried to comfort the distraught entertainer
loaded the unicycle involved in the reckless driving charge onto
"The truth about this will be published
in my new autobiography, "The Sad Life of a Clown," screamed the
Clown, a self-described autobiographer.
When questioned for details of the charge, a Tuleberg County
Sheriff's Deputy on the scene said the department was "sick and tired
of the publicity-seeking website nutcakes disturbing the peace."
CLOWN VINDICATED! (2/26/00)
"Once I showed
them my unicycle operator's license the authorities
realized the right thing to do was release me," said Poley
That was the clown's only
printable comment to the
press about his reckless driving arrest and subsequent
confinement for "observation" in the Tuleberg
County Jail last week.
Viewer Poll Cruel?
"There is nothing to be gained except hurt
feelings," was the response from The Eye to the proposed
Tulevision Poll on whether Poley the Clown has any fans.
Staffers at the website unanimously voted to drop the poll after
EMPLOYEES DAMAGE STAFF LOUNGE
By a Staff Reporter
their proposed Tulevision stock options be renegotiated into hard cash,
the cast and crew at the Tulevision website caused structural damage to
the Staff Lounge in the Tulevision compound.
After an emotionally charged exchange of ideas
between Bob "Money Boy" Nichols and Chill D. Boy (the two men
are not related), followers of both camps were encouraged to "make
an impact" by Poley the Clown who also advised, "tear
down the walls, Mr. Tule!"
According to internet insiders, the Tulevision employees
displayed their dissatisfaction by applying hammers (left lying around
the lounge by renovation workmen) to the interior walls of the lounge.
Growing disgruntlement and increased tension at the
burgeoning dot.com has been attributed to the new "mean"
direction espoused by its founder Alger Tule, particularly in a new
feature called vote, in which Tulevision viewers are
invited to vote to banish website employees who have, for some reason or
another, fallen out of favor.
There is gossip in certain Internet inner circles that at
the root of the new activist image adopted by the site's mascot, Poley
the Clown, is his position in the voting. The clown is leading in
the voting to banish with 37.5% of the votes. As the Daily Astonisher
went to press, there were no votes to keep him at the website. The main
reason given by viewers voting to fire Poley has been, "He's just
not funny anymore."
VOTES ARE IN: POLEY THE CLOWN IS
By a Staff Reporter
clown with a suitcase full of balloons quietly picked up his unicycle,
opened the door of the Tulevision compound, gave some of the employees a
small wave, made a face and a hand signal at others and left the website
for good on Sunday. Poley the Clown was the victim of a viewer vote held
last week to banish its least-popular employee.
Tulevision will run a memorial retrospective and belated
tribute on the website for the fallen clown later in the week. It will
feature Daily Astonisher clippings of Poley the Clown's antics
UNFORTUNATE PARADE FOR
By a Staff Reporter
group of frightened children lined Tuleberg Highway last Friday
to observe a tribute parade for Poley
the Clown, the legendary Tulevision.com mascot.
The parade was advertised on the local CNN cable
station as an
opportunity for families to share quality time at a
"child-pleasing event." The advertisement was paid for by
the Tulevision.com website (purportedly as part of a severance
package demanded by the infamous internet clown).
Instead of balloons, confetti and the Tulevision
cast & crew, the crowd observed a sad, angry clown riding a
unicycle, gesticulating with a finger at the gathered families.
"We at Tulevision are sorry that anyone
thought the ads were fraudulent advertising. We believed there
would be more to the parade than Poley the Clown riding down the
street on his unicycle yelling obscenities," explained Bob
"Money Boy" Nichols, CEO of the Tulevision Commerce
Department, acting as the website's spokesman at a
hastily-called press conference near the website's compound.
"Poley wasn't very popular with Tulevision viewers. The
viewers voted to banish him from the website."
Below, we have included
the only email ever sent to Poley during his employment at the
"So you thought I couldn't track you down, huh clown? You thought you could abandon me, saddling me with the big mortgage on the boat, and I wouldn't be able to find you? Well, guess again Poley!!!! I will hunt you down wherever you go... to whatever job.... so, just keep looking over your shoulder, clown, because I'll be there with a seltzer bottle, just waiting...
(the nurse is coming so I have to sign off for now.. but I'll be back....)"
Back Stage | Public Polemics
| Daily Astonisher
FEATURE HAS A TULEVISION RATING OF
STUDIOS | SOUVENIRS
©2000 Tulevision/All rights reserved.